Wednesday, 20 July 2016

Panzershreck 2016: In the immortal words of Captain Softley....

"Let's knock on their door and pretend to be Jehovah's witnesses!"*

*What did you expect the quote to be?

Panzershreck weekend rolled around again and as The Regiment looooves this weekend to bits we were geared up and ready to go. This time, Pooch joined us with his old Southern playing partner, Craig Courtis ( and we also had Steve Hill (from the chilly climes of Balclutha). Steve's original partner had pulled out late, but a replacement was found in a new immigrant to New Zealand, South African Ben. Four weeks in a new country and Ben left his wife and kids behind and flew down from Auckland to Palmy North to play in a weekend of toy soldiers with people he had never met before! Big Balls!

 Tradition dictates that the weekend goes like this:

1. Drive up to Palmy on the Friday afternoon and arrive with enough time to set up some tables of terrain at the venue (check)
2. Head to De Coree for Korean BBQ (check)
3. Have someone come down with a cold (check: ME!)
4. Eggs Bene at Cafe Cuba (check)
5. Play some games (check)
6. Burger Fuel for dinner (check)
7. Drinks and movies (check)
8. More Cafe Cuba (check)
9. More games (check)
10. See Tank Engine and McZermof win Best Sport (check, wait whut? no?)
11. See McBeth and Pelarel get oh so close again to placing (damn straight another goddam check)

The weekend ran as expected BUT Tank and McZ failed to win Best Sport! Pelarel and I finished 4th, so keeping with the usual there :(

Pelarel and I teamed up again and ran the following lists

Free French Foreign Legion

CHQ w supply section
Legion Rifle platoon
Legion Rifle platoon
Legion Sappuer platoon
25mm AT platoon
3x H35 (long guns)
Australian AT platoon (2x 2pdr and a 25pdr)

New Zealand Divisional Cavalry
3x MkVI
3x MkVI
3x Scout Carriers 
3x Scout Carriers
4x 25pdrs
4x portee 2pdrs
2x Bofors guns

13 platoons, Veteran infantry, loads of AT 7 and AT 9, 2+ to hit in Assault Legionnaire Sappers, loads of movement, recon, High Command (move objective 4" closer) and Swanning About the Blue (move objective 12" after deployment).

A very strong list in my mind that can cover most situations. The best thing is the Div Cav are Mechanised so as a Mech\Rifle list, we would defend against tanks to use all out AT and attack against the slow Rifle\Rifle lists and use our special rules for the objectives.

Our team name this year was a reflection of our Kiwi and French companies. Thus 'Bro Gueste' was born!

People may recall from last year, my attempts to take pictures were very, very unsuccessful. This year was going to be no different, however with a new phone that takes better pictures than my actual camera, all these snaps came out unusually well!

Friday Night:

(l-r) Pelarel, Pooch, Craig Courtis and Tank Engine crack open the beers after our Korean BBQ and as we prepare to watch Deadpool! 
Saturday Morning:

After spending the night listening to my room mate, Tank, pretend he was actually a train in a tunnel, we headed off to Cuba Cafe for breakkie then to the hall.


More tables

Even more tables

Old men. (l-r) Pelarel, Tank and South African Ben

McZ's and Tank's first game. I think it was all over inside of two turns. Apparently, Tank can't roll 6's for firepower tests.
On 36 dice.
Game 1, Free for All versus Old Dogs

The Old Dogs ran twin Geirbigjaegerkompanies each with

Short Rifle platoon
Short Rifle platoon
Kradschutzen platoon
8-rad platoon (with 3 patrols of 2 cars)

This was our most enjoyable game of the weekend! these two guys were new to Flames, but man, we had a laugh the whole way through the game. I was enjoying it so much, I even had an uncharacteristic moment of good sportsmanship where I explained the rule about tanks being 4" close to non-moving, concealed infantry having no defensive fire.

In the end, the amount of AT we had destroyed all the 8rads and our MkVIs tore shreds out of the two Kradshutzen platoons that we had both companies testing for morale at the end of turn 5. 

Result: 6-1 to us.

Game 2, Hasty Attack versus Conquest 04

And then we played these <Captain Softly>s.

3x PzIII
5x PzII
Limited Stuka

3x PzIII
2x 8-rad
1x T34 1940 (called Captain 'Boris' Softly)

Craig and Pooch are good players. Very, very good. Craig has written a better report on the game than I ever could so head over to his blog for a read ( As you'll read there, this game could have gone either way and if it had lasted two minutes more, or we could have passed our last Company Morale test, we would have come away with a 4-3 win rather than a 2-5 loss. Apparently it is quite difficult to take on PzIIIs with Vickers MkVI's and .5" MGs...

Recon Platoon commander Captain Craig Softly and Recon Platoon commander Captain Pooch Softly
Game 3, Fighting Withdrawal vs Premium Bananas

Fresh up from Christchurch, Premium Bananas ran twin tank companies


CHQ 2 T26
4x T26
4x T26
3x Veteran T38
13 stands of Veteran pioneers 
Sporatic Air


2? 3? PzIII
5 PzII with FA3!
2x sdkfz 222
2x nebelwerfers

As mech/Inf we defended a board that had a river running right across the length of the table. We chose to defend behind the river and forced the tanks to come through a village, concentrating their forces. The Sappers, some MkVIs and the Aussie AT held a woods with the objective team PB were aiming for and managed to break the Finn tank company with a well timed ambush from the Kiwi 2pdrs. 6-1 to Bro Gueste.

Saturday Night.

Rosie O'Grady's and some suitably wargaming named beer. Yay Emersons! 
Post Burger Fuel dinner. Playing Coup.
The Day had ended with Pelarel and I on 14 out of 18 points and bloody unlucky to not be on 16!

Game 4, Pincer vs Tripoli for Tea

T4T ran a Tank/Inf list of Italian Tanks with Vichy Foreign Legion infantry. Christchurch travellers again and for the first time ever for me, a female opponent. Why are there not more playing games like this? Oh thats right. Blokey Nerds.


5x M13
4x M13
4x M13
2x 20mm AA

Vichy French

Legion platoon
Legion platoon
Legion Sapper platoon
Legion 75mm Artillery battery

We defending this table and as neither Pelarel or I had played this mission much, we set about learning how it was played. Importantly, the mission was changed as per MLFTF to allow the defender only one side of the table that their reserves arrive on. Man, I wish that it was both sides now!

The Italians and French advanced straight for our lead objective which was covered by a Legion platoon, the Sappers, 25 pdrs and the two command MkVIs. Our 2pdr platoon was in ambush and the Aussies covered the flank in case the Italians got frisky and went for the rear objective.

The highlight of the game for us was when the 2pdrs came out of ambush and hit one of the M13 platoons with 10 hits, killing all of them. The low light quickly followed where, in reply, 4 M13s managed to kill three of the guns and force a Platoon Morale check. Which we failed. The worst thing? all three kills were with MG fire!

As it happened everything went right for the attackers; morale tests were passed, and artillery ranged in when needed. That combined with both Pelarel and I failing almost all our saving throws and morale test meant that the attackers gained the lead objective. Unfortunately for them, time ran out at then end of our turn meaning they never actually started their turn with the objective. Fortunately for them, Pelarel was in a giving mood and convinced me that we should give them the win as they had certainly earned it! A 3-4 loss to start Sunday.

Game 5, Dust Up vs French Connection United Kingdom (FCUK)

And then we played these FCUKers.

Damo and Shep are Regimenteers and pair up regularly for Panzershreck. They usually take fun armies. There was nothing fun about this combination of British and French heavy tank companies;


CHQ, Matilda Senior, MkVI
Matilda Senior, A11
Matilda Senior, A11
2x 18pdrs

3x Char B bis
5x H35
3x Panhards

(l-r) The very Devil himself, Scott Bowman (master purveyer of all things glittery and wargamery), Damo, Shep.
With both forces placing their objectives 4' closer to their own deployment line, the able was set with  the forces split apart only by the objectives. We chose to bulk defend out objective with Sappers, Australians, 2pdrs and 25pdrs. Damo and Shep started with both Matilda platoons and the Chars.

The game started well for the FCUKers as they rolled up and MG'd our troops. Luckily we passed most of our saving throws this time! Return fire abounded, but with needing the boys to roll 1's to fail, it was pretty ineffective.

Rinse and repeat, with awful fire from the FCUK team and awesome saves from Bro Gueste, the next round of shooting at the Chars, netted three bailed tanks. One more turn, and an assault from the Sappers killed the Chars and forced a company check on the French. A nice little '3' saw the French break before reserves could turn up! 5-2 to the good guys :)


So, in the end we were 4th and Craig and Pooch came 3rd. 1st place was taken by even more Regiment members, Mr Briant and Mr Bailey! Well done fellers :)

The other thing about this weekend was that it was the first Panzershreck we attended without Nick and Prinny. Prinny is now a resident of the Republic of Ireland and is now the Regiment's official overseas correspondent.

As a memorial, we had new shirts printed with the Regiment sign on them. The other, new image was a memorial for Nick on the sleeve. A Staghound, of course!

The Panzershreck attending Regimenteers.
(back row; l-r) Shep, McZermof, Stantion Twin no.1, Pooch, McBeth, Craig, Damo, Mr Bailey, Stanton Twin no.2
(front row; l-r) Tank Engine, Pelarel, Sgt Bob Pearce of Her Majesty's New Zealand Armed Forces, Mr Briant

Traffic on the way back home. Otaki roundabout is the worst designed PoS in the whole of the lower North Island, if not the world. Apart from Hamilton.
All in all, I was not keen on playing the games this weekend but got into the swing of things by playing some awesome opponents. You know you have enjoyed it when you get home, find all your books and start writing new lists for next year! Plans are already afoot from team Beardy.


  1. Haha, a very good account of the weekend's gaming there Simon. A great photo of the Regimenteers

  2. Cool write up bro. Al and I are already planning the crazy for next year too!

  3. Great weekend, thoroughly enjoyed all the games and hanging out with the regiment crew. Already looking forward to next year. Hope to catch up with you guys at Valleyvon.

  4. Looked like a really fun weekend. Glad to see most of the traditions kept going... Shame one of them is one of us gets sick.

    1. Damn right. The only scotch I had on the weekend was purely medicinal!

    2. Or should that be repeatedly medicinal :)